I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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