it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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