Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
