I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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