But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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