Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
