He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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