the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
