took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
