It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize