i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
