he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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