My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
