If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
