i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
