wat bout pragnant strippers??
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
