The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
