i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
