this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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