those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
