when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
