Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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