Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
