Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i wish my penis had a tongue
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
