I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
