You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Randomize
