I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
