im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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