I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize