I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
