Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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