First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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