Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
