i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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