you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
