I skipped work to stalk him.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
