I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
