She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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