real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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