So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize