Duck Duck Cougar?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
