the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize