Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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