i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
