I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
