shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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