At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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