idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
