so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
