And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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