yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
