I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i drank out of a bidet.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
