GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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