It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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