i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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