Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
