I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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