Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
