he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
