even my farts smell like vagina
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
