i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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