I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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