the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
