thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
