evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
