eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
