He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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