O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
