whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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