I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
