I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
