FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
