barbara walters just said penis...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
