she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
